Neighboring Tip of the Week - Participate in conflict transformation with a neighbor.

Hello friends!

We’re diving in headlong today and presenting a tip that’s perhaps on the more challenging end of the neighboring tip spectrum. The tip for today is this: Participate in conflict transformation with a neighbor.

Let’s start with the ideas of “conflict” and “transformation”. We would propose that conflict, in and of itself, isn’t necessarily a bad thing. And actually, we would say that conflict can be a really good thing! Oddly enough, the fact that people have, or at least perceive themselves to have, different interests than other people, seems to be part of what makes our world such a diverse and beautiful place! The key to whether we experience positive or negative outcomes from conflict seems to lie within what we do when we experience the conflict itself, and that’s where transformation comes in. Can we take our conflicts and respond to them in a way that fosters healthier and more harmonious relationships, that brings about a greater sense of togetherness, of oneness? Adam, on our Neighboring Movement team, teaches all about the conflict and likes to say that “conflict is energy”. In other words, conflict is a force that can propel us forward, individually and collectively. As odd as it may seem, and as awkward and difficult it may be in the midst of the transformation, we believe that, together with our neighbors, we can transform the conflicts between us in order to foster healthier and more harmonious relationships and bring about a greater sense of togetherness and oneness on our blocks.

So, how do we do this? How do we start transforming conflict with our neighbors? Well, we think conflict transformation work often begins with naming the conflict, and our willingness to transform it, clearly and respectfully, but there’s no one way to do this and no one way to answer the question, in general - and that’s a good thing! As the principles of asset-based community development will tell you, you and your neighbor that are experiencing conflict are the ones who best know how to transform the conflict between you. We at the Neighboring Movement aren’t experts on your conflict; you and your neighbor are! You both have all the answers you need, the tools to transform the conflict between you! We firmly believe that. So, we would encourage you to think about a conflict that you and a neighbor are experiencing. What is the conflict, as you perceive it? How did it arise? Have you and your neighbor addressed the conflict in any way? Have you done so recently? How would your neighbor answer these questions? What is the first step you can take, right now, in order to help positively transform the conflict as it stands? We would encourage you to sit with this last question for as long as you need to, but as soon as that first step comes to you, we encourage you to take heart and go do it! As adrienne maree brown says, “you are the one you are waiting for” (from adrienne’s book Emergent Strategy: Shaping Change, Changing Worlds, a Neighboring Movement favorite)!

Conflicts can be hard and awkward; there’s no denying that. It often seems like the much easier option is to do nothing and hope the conflict comes to pass. But we think that rarely, if ever, happens, and sadly, conflicts that sit ironically seem to become harder and more awkward from a lack of action! This feels especially true in our neighborhoods. We once heard a story about a person whose dog aggressively approached their nextdoor neighbor. The interaction was brief, and no one was hurt, but the person felt like that unfortunate incident sparked an ongoing conflict with the neighbor. They used to talk with the neighbor when they saw them out, but after the incident with their dog, the interactions felt more awkward and even cold. In this situation, while readdressing the conflict and working to transform it with their neighbor shortly after the initial incident seemed so hard and awkward for the person, they then saw how, over time, the interactions between them and their neighbor became even more difficult and awkward due to the conflict sitting. In short, the conflict was left without being readdressed, which began having negative impacts on the relationship between the two neighbors and also made the conflict’s future transformation so much harder and more awkward.

No two conflicts are the same, and the transformative journey may not be easy, short, or painless. But isn’t a healthier, more harmonious relationship with your neighbor worth it? So today, we encourage you to take that first step in positively transforming a conflict between you and your neighbor. We hope you both can allow the conflict to be energy that fosters a healthier and more harmonious relationship and brings about a greater sense of togetherness and oneness on your beautiful block!

Happy transforming and happy neighboring!